If you are unsure whether to break up, describe what happens and what you need rather than counting yes answers. These 10 questions are prompts for reflection, not a relationship diagnosis. They can be used regardless of a partner’s gender.
From doraifurawa’s Night Chapter. These are editorial questions and examples to help describe a situation, not a validated psychological test, an individual professional assessment, or an account of the author’s personal relationship.
How to use the questions
For each question, write “okay for now,” “a concern,” or “not sure,” then add one recent example. Include how you felt, what you communicated, and what changed afterward. You can leave a question unanswered.
10 questions about the relationship
- Do I fear the response when I say no or change my mind?
- Are boundaries around time alone, friendships, and contact respected?
- Can I describe my wishes and concerns?
- After I raised a problem, what changed in actions rather than only words?
- When a problem repeats, am I always carrying the adjustment?
- What happened around promises, dishonesty, or money that I can describe specifically?
- What can I compromise on, and what matters too much to compromise on in future plans?
- How does time together affect my daily life or physical wellbeing?
- Can I describe my reasons to stay and my reasons to step back separately?
- Who can support me, and what practical arrangements might I need?
How to read your answers
Do not add up a score. One serious threat is not canceled out by nine reassuring answers. Equally, different preferences or schedules do not reveal a person’s character or determine a relationship’s future.
For “slow replies make me anxious,” separate the contact you want, what you have asked for, and whether agreements have been kept. For “I am afraid because they shout when I say no,” consider support and a safe way to communicate before trying to persuade them.
A possible next step
- If a conversation is safe, describe one event, one need, and the change you want to discuss.
- Record what remains uncertain. A review date can help you revisit your own choices; it is not a test to impose on someone.
- If you choose to leave, consider practical arrangements such as housing, belongings, and contact separately.
When safety is a concern
If violence, threats, monitoring, or strong fear are present, do not assume a private conversation is the right next step. Seek trusted or specialist support to consider a plan suited to your situation. Use local emergency services for immediate danger.
Related reading
For the wider question, read the breakup decision guide. For specific events, see 7 behaviors to consider. You can also return to the Night Chapter reading guide.
Sources for safety considerations: The Hotline’s warning signs of abuse and personal safety planning. These US resources do not validate this article’s list as a test; contact services appropriate to your location.